should i..should u

he said plz..
n he said la..
plz la k he said..
sounded very rude somehow..
plz wut?
plz stop all these nonsense?
plz stop being foolish?
plz wut??
u would know..
u should know..
what it feels like..
but do u know?
do u reli care?
u said ur alwiz there..
but ur not here now..
when i needed u the most..
what am i supposed to say..
what am i supposed to do..
i can't bear it right now
all seems too hard..
all seems to painful
to deal with..
yes yes
i have to..
i must..
i should..
please la..
yes yes..
i know..
thank u..
i will..
don't worry..
u just live ur life..
no worries..
won't say nonsense to u again..
no use..
i wont listen..
u wont understand..
that's the end..

i am nothing..finally

i dunno wut im supposed to say..
it feels like i cant talk to anyone..
even if i do
im afraid ill bore them..
dear Allah
please give me strength..
i've been through this soo many times..
yet each time..
it wounds me soo deep..
there's nothing I can do..
maybe this is my destiny..
a life with no hopes or miracles..
i gave it a chance..
n yet all it can do is give me hurt..
i now ill be better..
but i want to be better now..
i duwana waste my time reminiscing on memories..
what can i do..
i can't get it back no matter what..
i can't do anything..
but cry tears of pain..
and stood silently
watching u walked away..
slowly and getting farther..
y must it be like this..
y can't i prove that i am worth something..
something that someone wouldn't let go no matter what..
and yet i failed again and again..
i'm not worth a thing..,
just a low life creature..
ppl take and throw it away..
no matter how much i begged..
i'd still be thrown away..
thank u..
i realise what i am finally...
thank u..
for not letting me forget
how cruel the world is..
thank u..
for giving me fake hopes..
thank u..
for everything..
i shall remember from time to time..
from experience to experience..
that I am worth nothing..

a fucked up life

White Horse lyrics
Songwriters: Rose, Liz; Swift, Taylor Alison;

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

a poem for u

i hate talking to u..
it rips me apart..
i hate listening to ur talks..
dun u noe it breaks my heart..
i hate reading ur msgs..
it's killing me..
i'm going to hate seeing u...
i'm going to hate walking with u..
i'm going to hate talking to u..
i'm going to hate jz by listening to ur voice..
i hate how u looked at me..
n im going to hate even more if u dare to look my way again..
i'm going to hate seeing ur hands..
i'm going to hate seeing ur lips..
i'm going to hate seeing ur hair..
it's because
ur not mine anymore
and no matter how hard ill try..
ull still be someone else's...

Paint-freaking-ball!!

One word!!

PAINTBALL!!!

i'm in love with this game..

i'm addicted to this game..

the pain you have to go thru is soo worth it!!

i got to played paintball last sunday..

and i was damn scared at first..

afraid of getting killed before having the chance to kill someone..

but on my 1st game..

i killed someone and managed to stay alive..

as the game goes on..

i was not so lucky..

i was killed..

gettin hit at the mask and marker..

so i wasnt able to show a proof of me gettin hit by a pellet..

and they said it hurts..

some of them..

lucky them..

getting hit and having bruises all over..

but me??

nada..nil..zero..

the most glorious..!!victorious!! moment was when I..

myself..me..mua..

managed to capture the flag at my last game..

it was sooo freaking SWEET!!

nothing could ever beat that feeling..

U'll be scared at 1st..

but u will get addicted after that..

a game that is quite costly..

but it's a game for all types of ppl..

there's only luck and a good strategy..

and money..

but i played with my uni's club..

so it's quite cheap than playing outside..

but still...

everything is worth it..

the mud i had to crawl in..

the muscle crams i have till now..

my slacks that's all muddy and wet..

the sunburn i got..

it's worth it..

not regretting anything,,

you should try paintball..

it's AWESOME!!

losing love..

i've never thought in my childhood years that
love can be so painful..
love can never promise u a bright or better future..
in all my 19 yrs of finding love..
all came to a great devastating end..
no matter how i've found a love that seems to love me back..
it never promises me it'll stay there..
there's only a rather dark future
as i see it now..
maybe my way is wrong..
i came to realise..
maybe i should stop finding true love..
cz the love i've been looking for
is always with me..
Allah's love..
i want to feel that again..
i've been losing that love
all this while
i was finding a love that
never has a happy ending
and yet
the true love
that promises me the truest love
of them all
is with me..
i just need to strengthen it again..
but as im losing the other love
it feels like the world has turn its back on me
i can only wish that
things will be better
Dear Allah
please give me strength to go through this
i don't think I can take it anymore..

sAH-La-Bleh..?

feel like blogging..
so im blogging..
since the wireless connection is freaking sweeet...
so i'm taking this chance..
suppose to be doing my MANDARIN journal..
but have stopped long long time ago..!!
so when i looked at it..
i got BLUR..
not that it's unusual..
i'm blur 24/7 man..
not to mention..
apek haven't replied my messages yet..
feel like kicking him in his NUTS!!
fatap la weyh!!
u ignoring me huh??
see la..see la..
ull pay for it..
make me worried like fatap..
n not to mention the things u said last nite..
make me fatap-ier..
jage u wei.!!
not answering my calls..
make me so sad la!!!
not again..
not again..
apek u r so DEAD wen u finally concious-kan urself..
stop PENGSAN-ing alredi!!!
n im hungry for smething fatty2..
i oder burger td with wiwie..
the biggest one of them all..
hahahahahaha..
my tummy all big now..
n its gona get bigger..
oi!!!
assignment..paintball...finals..
im soooo dead!!!
should be doing my assignments now!!
not ENUF time i tell u..
too lazy..
sanah and syu gone training for futsal..
chomey blk..
wiwie bz with her lappy..
oi oi oi oi oi oi oi
i feel lost n blur..
shud cont sleeping till cannot wake up anymore..
n i so totally not looking forward for tomoro..
stupid paintball tournament..
i dun even noe y i join the freaking club,,
shud take sthin easier..
like ishpal one took..
n the 'A' is THERE>>!
no need to psg bunker all..
no need to shoot ppl..
no need to get shot..
oi!!!
n im sorry for calling 'her' juggernaut the soul-sucking dementor..
so gonna flunk my paper..
oi oi oi oi oi oi
but siriously..
she gave me goosebumps last nite..
till the end of the class..
n apek tot he gave the goosebumps..
but SOOOO not him dz time..
it's a freaking her..
oi oi oi oi oi..
im so messed up..
can't wait TO GO HOME!!!!
home home home..
mama papa..
miss u sooo much..
i hate finals!!!
damn damn damn damn..!!!
im so not gona make it dz sem..
tu la..
play play no work make me loser loser!!
see see..
even grammar all vey wrong..
oi oi oi oi..
still want to mengadu until my finger lebam2..
dun care..
but my conscience is killing me..
NEED TO FIN MY ESAIMENS ALL!!!
monday have to hantar..
sat n sun will be busy with paintball..
sooo not good..
dead dead dead dead I am..
wish i was a jedi..
hahahahahaahh!!!!
ROGER AND OUT!!!!