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the dark starts to creeps in bringing along a feeling of loneliness..
a feeling that i would never wish anyone to feel..
im staring into the emptiness
wishing that things can go like the way it used to be
my words arent strong enough i realised
can't seem to make it go through anyone
i can only bite my tongue from saying anything
cz that's how i act when pain starts to touch my heart
i become speechless
not knowing what to say or think
this pain caught up till its hurting my throat
i tried swallowing my tears
but those words
were too strong
i tried to be strong
but i failed
i was never strong to begin with
words have always find its way to hurt me
no matter how deep the wall i built
to protect me
how to verbalize my feelings anymore
i do not know
it seems that my lying has caught up with me
i say the truth
but they can only hear lies

edward cullen

it seems unfair how writers put my mind in an unconscious state of fantasy..
its how they create a character that is perfect..
makes me addicted to sthin that is utterly unreal..
like at this moment..
i am addicted to edward..
a character in Twilight..
the image of robert pattinson does stuck in my head now and then..
but i rather not think about him because i want to use my own imagination when im fantasizing about edward..
i cant seem to put together words on how to describe edward..
he is almost perfect..
apart from being a vampire,immortal,gorgeous and well built,
he also is in love..the truestest love;mind you..
it's how stephanie meyer writes about him..
how he protects bella..
how he loves bella..
it is totally unreal in reality,
but i would like to escape from reality and be in the book of when true love is told...
edward..
he's hot tempered but manage to keep his cool when he's with bella..
he's strong enough to protect bella from any other danger
and he's overprotective too..
seems like a negative thing..
but its what makes my heart flutters when i read it..
not to mentioned,he smell good most of the time..
even his breath..
there's so many things that make Edward Cullen so irrevocably delicious..
and the fact that im reading about the love between a vampire and a human makes it all more interesting..
i only hope i can be in this fantasy forever..
burying my head in these series...
i just need to buy another one series..
to complete my collection..

me n my new hobby

ive been reading twilight the saga collection thingy for the past few days..
have been so caught up in their world that i am very reluctant to come back to reality..
who wouldnt enjoy some time being in the world where u can be loved n love vampires..
when i read the second book..
i found out that edward left bella..
n i cried reading it..
reminds me of sthin..
n edward reminds me of someone..
no wonder i cant let go of the book..
hahaha..
n now he still hasnt showed up..
only jacob n jacob n jacob..
no sweet glorious model like edward..
i miss him..
not edward..
tat sumone he reminds me of..
tomoro goin bek to hell..
7 hours of sitting n unknown environment..
everythin will turn out good i hope..
n i gonna continue reading new moon..
wana finish all..
cz they haunt me!!

an intimate confession

blogging..
what am i blogging for..
it seems that ive forgotten the reason for why i started this so-called hobby of mine..
what were my intentions?
and life..
what is the purpose of of life..
what am i living for..
ive been too caught up with this world..
ive managed to ignore my real duties of this world..
instead i dwell and linger in this fake world..
a world of nothingness..
i have sinned..
so much sins that even i can't forgive myself..
i hate myself..
im actually sick of myself..
forgive me myself..
ive forgotten what I was once..
what i have become..
i dont know me anymore..
what is this change?
is it good or it only brings me sorrow..
where should I go now..
i am confused and dazed..
i need guidance..
i need a slap in the face..
i cannot stay here forever..
i should be moving on..
into the path of serenity and truth..
I am sorry for becoming into what i am today..
I could only wish things would change into the way it was before..
but I am only a human..
making mistakes..
making sins...
what should i do..
what should i do..
Dear God..